Him

I have been thinking lately about feelings. Feelings and experiences that lead to expressions. How they can take over your life if not in order with the Spirit. I also thought about how my feelings took over me as a person last year, maybe more for the negative. On the other hand i have been feeling Christ. I have never before in my life experienced Him for real. I have been brought up in the 'church' and around people from '' church' and knew God (apparently), but i could never be satisfied with Jesus. I always had a longing for old ways again. I could never keep the ''holy'' persona. Until i got to learn more about the real truth and how the so called- church had thought us wrong. The idea of having to do a set of rules then you are Ok with God. And not to forget to give a certain amount of money towards a ''good'' cause. That idea was never sustainable to me. Plus i always realized i am not very much of a ''good' person. Because i cant seem to get rid of this darn sin in me.

But then there is Jesus. My sweet Lord. The feeling that i get when i read from His Words and when someone helps me to understand the real meaning of those words. It is so sweet and satisfying. No amount of money or wine or fame could compare with the joy of it. Long term joy too. It is the first time in my life that i experience that. And only then can He be expressed through me. When i am gone. When He is there. When i am nothing and He is everything. Maybe this sounds mental, but bare with me through these experiences.

Whoever is reading this i really hope you could experience the God of peace and hope in reality. I love you also