I am working pretty hard, i love it.. and this random change is occurring. I have been going through some ‘reunion days’. You know those you get. Your mind’s connotation with what ever happened a year ago or two years ago. It is almost as if you relive it. It is ghastly and dire but perfect.
I think i became depressed (became past tense)... getting my ‘reunion days’ this year. Sometimes it is as if my emotions are everywhere and then they are gone. I am so sick of lies. Lies in life and people. I wish I could be see-through. Not having to ever hide anything about who i am, ever. Everything true every day. I wish people could be totally true towards me. So that’s where today’s story begins.
I have realized that I am the type of person that needs to commit myself everyday with my God. If i don’t i..Pretty much get up to my own thing that is not always the ideal way i can tell you that. The ‘i’ part needs to get away in this story. That’s where i am at this stage. You know what ...it really isn’t so much about us. We focus way too much attention on our needs and our emotions that we totally forget our mission in pleasing and honouring someone so much bigger than us. That is what makes me depressed. Thinking about myself. Man that’s boring and empty. I want to stop and then He even has the compassion to know that He is in progress with me and we are getting there. He gives me the grace to do the right thing and do His will. He shows me my focus needs to shift. It really isn’t about me. But giving all honour to Him, everyday. In all i do.We are little...and still he cares.
If I look at David. I love him. He is so crazy and it is truly amazing to read what he writes because i think everyone can relate. He did great things, uber crap things but always had 100% dependency on God. The greatest thing, i bet you if he were to live in today’s time, doctors would have put him on anti-depressants and labelled him as bipolar.
Emotions are human and part of dealing with things. It is really about shifting the focus away from me unto my Love. Knowing He loves me unconditionally. Giving my life fully Unto God. He is faithful and will provide. He is always there. He never leaves. He leads me every day. He fills me with things that sustain me. Let go unto GRACE.